as you don’t like it

Thanks to Barbaric Document, I have been reminded of the awful things I got up to, years ago, when I worked in this café:

I was a teenager. We were very badly paid. Exploited, you might say. So to help us through the day we – me and the other staff, none of whom I can remember now – used to use the remains of customers’ orders for the servings of the customers to follow. In other words, if you ordered a milkshake but only drank half of it, we’d tip that half into a clean glass and mix it in with some fresh froth and cream and serve it up with a big smile. If a customer had bad attitude, we might tip something less tasty into their tea or Coke or shake. It gave us no end of amusement watching them consume the whole lot, apparently unaware. My months as a waitress have put me off, for life, cafés like this one. I never ever visit them unless I absolutely have to. I’d certainly never order a milkshake or something which is good for disguising unpleasant substances. Soup, for example.

Oh dear Ellis: I really hope you didn’t actually go in there and consume. (If you can stomach his brilliant answer, which I wish I’d known about before I worked at AYLIC, but the story had not been written then, it’s here.) Enjoy? Enjoy? Mr Sharp: I loved it. I want it to be mine. Superb. Thank you thank you.

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