BT customer care

‘Hello. I’m moving house and I’d like to take my phone number with me.’

‘Sure . . .

‘Running through the checks on your new house, it doesn’t appear to have a BT line.’

‘Oh dear.’

‘But don’t worry because one of our engineers can put one in for £122.50 spread out across the year into your normal bill so you won’t really notice.’

‘Right. That sounds quite expensive all the same.’

‘But if you want cable TV, we’ll include that in the price.’

‘That would be great but we don’t have a TV. We gave it away a week ago.’

‘I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have a TV. How did you do it? Why did you do it?’

‘We realised that we don’t watch it enough or when we do, we watch it too much and it’s usually rubbish. I miss Channel Four news a bit though.’

‘I could never give my telly away. It’s my life. I simply couldn’t do it. It’s what I do every night – I watch the telly.’

He laughs nervously then says very seriously, ‘I’d rather die than live without a telly.’