an elderly lady calls for her nephew


‘Is this the household of Richard Edwards?’
‘Yes.’
I’ve got the family tree.‘ Pause. ‘Is he available to talk?’
‘He’s at work I’m afraid.’
‘Oh.’
Slight pause.
‘May I know who this is?’
‘It’s Gladys Martins of Canada – and I’d like to know when Richard would be available to talk.’
‘This evening? When he gets back from work.’
‘Can I call him then?’
‘Yes. Err. You realise that I am his wife?’
‘Yes. I had heard he’d married.’
‘I’m Lilian.’
‘Miriam?’
‘No. Lilian. L for London.’
‘Lilian. Yes. How long does it take you to get to West Byfleet?’
Pause. ‘Um. Oh, don’t you worry about that. We can get anywhere if we want to.’
‘I met him once.’
‘Who?’
‘Richard. At a christening.’
‘Ah, one of the kids?’
‘One of his brothers’ kid’s. Yes. He was pleasant.’
‘Richard?’
‘Very pleasant, yes. I’m looking forward to seeing him again.’

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One thought on “an elderly lady calls for her nephew

  1. I got a fine call when I was working for a charity called Education Extra (now defunct).

    “Hello. Education Extra.”

    “Hello. My radio is broken.”

    “I’m sorry?”

    “My radio is broken. Can you mend it?”

    “Erm, I think you’ve got the wrong number.”

    “Number? Oh, serial number. It’s 09FDS9…”

    “No. I mean, I think you have the wrong telephone number. This is Education Extra. We are an educational charity.”

    [after a long pause…]

    “Oh. Do you get many calls like this?”

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